Breaking Dawn QotD funny impossible assumptions!
by TwilightVampiresRock
Summary: Peak inside for real summary... No sufficient space here '
1. Summary

Summary:

Summary:

Hey Everyone! These are Sam and Dawn! This is what you get when Sam just ate Italian food (I need chocolate -sniff-) and is a bit hyper after drinking the lemonade and eating a strawberry popsicle (filled with sugar :D I know I look a bit scary but in reality it's all the sugar rush ;D) and you put her together with Dawn who is eating coke and cookies (that's were _she_ got her sugar rush from) to discuss possibilities for the "quote of the day" Stephenie has been putting for Breaking Dawn!

PS. They are just like one scene not a whole story or anything like that. Just something that could be happening to make the character to be or say that.

PSS. Yep, we're two very crazy girls high on sugar ;)

MSN Conversation (just to prove our point):

· ● dawn (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) says:

dawn is getting HYPER!

· ● dawn (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) says:

YEEEEEEEI

· ● dawn (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) says:

xD

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) says:

jaja xd

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) says:

I ATE LASAGNA!!

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) says:

XD

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) says:

YEY!!

Two minutes later…

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

ALICE... xD

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

HAHAHAHA XD

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

duude!

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

I THINK I FOUND CHOCOLATE!!

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

it really affects me xD

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

ahahhahahahaha

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

xD

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

OOOH! --

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

I'LL ATTACK AND TELL YOU LATER ;)

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

BRB

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

:D

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

(wicked smile :p)

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

ahahahah okei xD hahahahah LOL!

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

xDD

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

great ¬¬'

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

it's got scotch

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

...

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

brb I'll go find one that hasn't

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

I found one!! YEY!! I look like Scrat finally eating his acorn!!

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

ahahahhaah

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

scrat?

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

the squirrel from ice age?

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

. . .

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

u know… we should go to the AC.

· **dawn** (W) When darkness turns to light, (U) dice:

AC?

(S)sam(S)It's just one of those things I don't understand. It's one thing to let u in but another for u to (U) dice:

u know Anonymous Chocoholics? we would go and be like:

"Hi, my name is Dawn and I'm a chocoholic" "Hello, Dawn"

"Hi, my name is Ally, I'm a chocoholic, a shopaholic, I'm hyperactive and uh... I don't really see that there's something wrong about it." "Uh... hello?"

"Hi, my name is Sam. I'm a chocoholic and the crazy hyperactive, pixie-like girl named Ally is my younger sister" "crickets" "whispers everywhere" "she's the sister of the shopaholic" "she's already hyperactive imagine if she ate chocolate" "poor girl"

"Uh... yeah... uh... meeting postponed. See you all next Friday."


	2. Alice&Edward: Rock paper scissors quote

****

Disclamer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
We're just playing around with her characters, quotes and our imagination is assuming different impossible scenarios in where the quotes could get used... blame the sugar rush!

* * *

"I want to live in Alaska" Edward stated.

We had been here all morning trying to figure out where we were going to live next.

"I know!" Emmett said. Wait... did Emmett just actually had an idea? "Let's go to the North Pole! There are plenty of polar bears there!"

I smiled. Emmett was driven only by his thirst just like a human guy would usually be by his stomach.

"Penguins, lovely." Edward said sarcastically and Emmett shoot daggers through his eyes at him.

"Anyone on my side?" Emmett asked.

I smiled at him and raised my hand. Jasper raised his as well. Almost no humans there. As soon as Jasper raised his hand Alice did too supporting her husband.

"I see we're tied." Edward said smiling. "Bella, love. Alice already saw that you are not going to have any problem with your thirst, you can be perfectly fine in Alaska." I shook my head. I wouldn't let him anywhere near Tanya if I could do something about it.

"I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors." Alice told him smiling.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just tell me who wins?"

"I do. Excellent." Alice said bouncing up and

"I'M FINALLY GOING TO MEET SANTA CLAUS!" Emmett screamed excited as he ran around the house at vampire speed packing everything.

"Should we tell him?" Rose asked shocked watching her husband behaving like a five year old on sugar rush.

Esme shook her head "Nah... What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Besides he's almost finished packing the whole house." We all silently laughed and let Emmett finish packing for the rest of us.


	3. Bella: Oh, Mike! How will I go on?

**Disclamer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
We're just playing around with her characters, quotes and our imagination is assuming different impossible scenarios in where the quotes could get used... blame the sugar rush!**

* * *

I was going out of my house when I was ambushed by Mike. I hate small towns. Everyone knows where you live.

"Bella, if you marry Edward I will never speak to you again." Mike 'threatened'.

"Oh, Mike! How will I go on?" I said sarcastically and a smile appeared on his face. I tried to push him away but he got closer to me so I backed closer to the door.

"Simple. Just leave the guy and we're off to Vegas." was he really that stupid? I thought he was faking it.

"Mike... I love Edward. I'm marrying Edward. Therefore, if I ever go to Vegas it will be with?" I tried to make him see the logical side.

"Me?" he asked. I sighed frustrated.

"Bye, Mike." I pushed him away.

"Yes! I still have a chance!" Oh geez... logic and sarcasm doesn't work with him. What else do I need? Drawings?!

Next day:

I open my door to see Mike sitting on my steps. He was far too concentrated on whatever he was doing in it. Strange… I mean, after all we are in summer.

I walked quietly to see what he was doing. Curiosity getting the best of me. He was drawing little hearts and flowers and clouds with little faces and all in pink ink.

"Oh my god, Mike! What are you? Gay?! Guys don't draw hearts and clouds with little faces in pink ink! Heck! _I_ don't even do it and I'm a _girl_."

"Bella... If I can't have you, I will have Emmett..." he said confidently. "So sexy in those jeans…" he muttered under his breath going back to drawing in his pink world. I was _so_ going to tell Edward and Alice. Probably she already saw it but this was _way_ too funny.


	4. Tanya: Ah, Edward I've missed you

**Disclamer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
We're just playing around with her characters, quotes and our imagination is assuming different impossible scenarios in where the quotes could get used... blame the sugar rush!**

* * *

"First the penguins at North Pole, now Tanya at Alaska... lovely" Edward muttered visibly in a bad mood.

"You were the one that wanted to come here in the first place." I told him. He sighed.

"I forgot about Tanya." he whispered.

"Sure." I rolled my eyes.

"I wished we'd stayed at the North Pole." he stated.

"After Emmett didn't find Santa? Not a good idea. Polar Bears would've gotten extinct." I chuckled.

"Good point." he smiled my favorite crooked smile.

"I'm still a bit shocked though. Who would've though Emmett drank when he's depressed?" I said remembering the happenings that led to a massacre of over twenty polar bears in an hour's time.

"You should've seen him when we told him about the Easter Bunny when he went to look for him at the Easter Islands." he shook his head smiling.

We got to the Denali's house and as soon as Edward opened his Volvo door, he was attacked by Tanya.

"Ah, Edward. I've missed you." he didn't even have the time to open my door like he always does. I mentally chuckled and got out of the car.

"Hello, Tanya." he said as he struggled to get rid of her. "This is my wife, Bella." I smiled.

"Hi, Tanya." I said politely and cheerfully when I saw her shocked face and she backed away from Edward.

"Hi… I… uh… I need to go hunting. See you all later." She said before speeding away.

"Just like Emmett." Edward chuckled.


	5. Emmett: Oooo, scary

**Disclamer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
We're just playing around with her characters, quotes and our imagination is assuming different impossible scenarios in where the quotes could get used... blame the sugar rush!**

* * *

"I have to warn you... I'm a black belt in... in... Origami!" Mike threatened unsuccesfully.

"Oooo, scary!" Emmett told him.

"Em... That's supposed to be the art of folding papers and making figures out of them." Rose stated. Emmett's booming laugh filled the room.

"Now THAT's scary!" he continued laughing.

"Emmett. Either I have you, or I have Bella." Mike continued.

Emmett grabbed me by my sides and carried me over to Mike before I could even object.

"Here's the Squirt. Have fun!" Emmett said and attempted to leave the room but was stopped by Edward.

"Alice... What do you see in Emmett's future right now?"

Alice went into a trance and when she came back, she had a wicked grin on her face.

"I see pink. Lots and lots of pink."

They all started to back Emmett into a wall and got him inside a closet. Several screams were heard.

"Alice no! Not the mascara!" and "NO! Please not the lipstick anything but the lipstick!"

When he came out, Emmett looked quite girly and was covered head to toe in pink.

"Everyone, meet Emmy." Alice smiled broadly and I burst out laughing. I looked over at Mike he was drooling. Literally drooling.

He ran over to Emmett and everyone backed away leaving Mike on one knee in front of Emmy.

"Would you like to go to the movies with me, Emmy?" Mike said almost pleading.

We all had to cough to hide our laughter.

Alice smiled lovingly at Mike and said "She'd love to."

Mike jumped, grabbed Emmett's hand and dragged him out of the room while Emmett was screaming. "No!" until he was outside of school. We all burst out laughing when he left.

One week later:

Emmett came into the Cullen's house with his clothes all tattered and twitching.

"Emmett?" I asked shocked. No one had heard of him for an entire week. We didn't really worry about him I mean he's a fearless vampire after all.

He mumbled something.

"Hey! Everyone! Emmett's back!" I screamed. All the Cullens were there in matter of seconds.

"Em? What happened?" Rose asked while trying to get near him. His eyes were gazing at something and nothing at the same time.

"No… Please no more… Please…" Emmett said still with a gone expression on his face.

"Emmett? It's okay honey…" Rosalie told him while she hugged him close. "Rose?" he asked confused starting to wake up.

"Emmett what did he _do _to you?!" Alice asked shocked.

"He's crazy, Alice…" he muttered.

"Emmett? Darling… What did he do?" Esme asked in a motherly tone of voice.

"He's worse than Alice… He's worse than Alice…" he muttered as he slid down to the floor and rocked himself in a corner.

Edward suddenly burst out laughing. Everyone either shoot daggers at him or looked at him confused.

"Mike's a shopaholic. After they went to the movies to watch PS. I Love You, Mike told him that he had a lot of energy inside so he drove to different states to different malls and only stopped because his dad cut out his credit line."


	6. Bella: Vampire's bachelor's party quote

**Disclamer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
We're just playing around with her characters, quotes and our imagination is assuming different impossible scenarios in where the quotes could get used... blame the sugar rush!**

* * *

The day of the wedding was right behind the corner and today was Edward's bachelor party. To say the least, I was mortified.

"Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?"

"Well Bella, now that you mention it… no. We don't go to strip clubs. We go to a gentleman's club. It sounds more proper. Don't you think?"

I stood there shocked and open mouthed.

"Well, now that everything's clear, we have to leave. Emmett's getting quite desperate and he's driving me insane. Bye! Don't wait up!" he laughed. "That goes mainly to you Bella." I scowled and before I could reply, he was gone.

"Alice! Rose!" I screamed as soon as I could move again.

"What's wrong?!" Alice asked me shocked by my voice tone.

"Yeah, what's the matter? I was painting my nails!" Rose whined.

"Both of your husbands are taking my soon-to-be husband to a strip club!"

"They wouldn't dare!" Rosalie bellowed breaking the nail file she had been holding.

"What?!" Alice screeched. "Is this why they told me not to look into their futures?!" she went on a trance.

When she came out she was livid. "Rose." she stated. "We've got work to do."

"What exactly did you see Alice?" I asked with anger rising in my veins.

She eyed Rose and saw that she was going to know either way. "Emmett was slipping a hundred dollar bill in a stripper's... well you can guess where; Jasper trying to get a lap dancer off of him, and Edward was looking at the floor with his legs crossed focusing on something that wasn't all those women. Poor guy. He was the only decent one." I smiled. At least he was being faithful.

"Oh, no. Just because he was the only decent one doesn't mean you're out of the plan"

"What plan?" I asked

"We're going to disguise ourselves as strippers and go give our loved ones a heart attack" she smiled wickedly

"I'm out." I stated.

"Please Bella." Alice pleaded giving me a puppy face. But not only A puppy face but THE puppy face. It made everything so much harder to refuse.

I looked away. "Not working Alice." I stated.

She followed everywhere my eyes went.

"Fine… I'll go." I stated and Alice squealed. "But I won't be part of the stripers." that made Alice pout.

"How are you getting in, then?" Rosalie asked.

I smiled and shrugged. "Ask Alice."

She went on a trance and laughed as she came back to reality. "Oh my God! You are going to go as Catwoman!"

I smiled wider. At least the early version of Catwoman covered the actress from head to toe. Hopefully it's that one. But with Alice you never know. "I trust you to have the right costume." I told Alice.

"Of course." she replied grinning.

Alice ran out of the room and returned with a "small" package. Well, it wasn't really small, but if you compared it to the previous ones Alice usually gives me, it was fairly small. It was the size of a backpack and not the usual suitcase size.

When I opened the package when I was in the bathroom, I froze. Not only was it a size smaller than mine, but it wasn't the 1960's version.

"Alice?" I called standing there looking at tonight's 'uniform'. "I don't think this is going to work." The outfit belonged to the latest version of Catwoman. It was made out of black leather pants, a black leather thing which I think it's a top, black leather belts across my stomach and back, a cat-like mask, metallic fingernails, black leather high-heeled boots and a black leather whip. Not good.

"Bella…" Alice whined "Just put the costume on. Please?" Alice pleaded from outside of the door.

"No, Alice."

"Pretty please with a pink bow on top?" Alice tried again.

That little pixie definitely has issues. I should probably just not mess with her.

"Fine. But if someone asks, it was all your idea."

"Yey!" she squealed and I rolled my eyes.

I tried getting in the costume but it was too uncomfortable. I could barely breathe right and walking was completely off limits.

"Alice? I think you should know that this thing is going to kill me." I said.

"Silly Bella, nothing's going to happen to you."

"Alice… I can barely breathe and I can't even walk in these shoes."

"You'll be fine." I could picture her rolling her eyes.

"Fine. But even if I don't die, Edward's _so_ going to kill you. At least you could've chosen the 1960's version. You know… the one that actually covers something?"

"Hey, you never specified. Plus, this was the only costume of Catwoman they were selling on eBay." Alice answered.

Weird Al Jankovic was right when he wrote the lyrics of the eBay song… You can get virtually anything there.

"Alice, please!" I tried pleading with her "I don't look good in this… _thing_. Besides, I think I need a bigger size." Alice and Rosalie just start laughing. "What?!" I asked.

"You silly! That's the way it should be! Small!" Alice said. "Now, open the door! We want to take a good look at you." I slowly opened the door.

When I opened the door, I saw that Rose and Alice already had their costumes on. Alice was dressed as a fox (yeah, reddish tail included) and Rosalie as a white bunny.

Rose looked as if she had just step out of the playboy mansion. In fact, they both looked like that. I was the one who looked like a hooker. Lovely.

Surely Edward would be the first to have a heart attack. For not only did I look like a hooker, but I looked like a hooker that had to do her own clothes with the remnants of belts

"Bella!" Alice said jumping up and down excitedly "You look smoking hot! The truth is that Rose thought you would come up with a lame excuse and miss out all the fun. But I knew you wouldn't!" Alice squealed.

Oh my god. Why didn't I think of that before? I could have acted, not that I'm good, but still! I could have said that I was not feeling well or any excuse that my imagination could create! But no! I, Bella Swan, can't lie to her best friends. Just lovely! Now, I'm trapped in a hooker costume, and I'm going to a strip club pretending to be part of the repertoire. Nice.

"Come on! Before those 3 start to have fun without us." Rosalie said. This was going to be a long night.

"Hey girls! I have a great idea." Alice squealed -again- jumping up and down -again-. "Let's take the boy's cars and do something fun with them!" She smiled wickedly. Oh how I hated that smile. It always meant I wasn't going to like what she was going to make me do.

After each of us got to our respective cars, I wondered what Alice wanted to do with them. Alice drove Jasper's motorcycle and Rose drove Emmett's Jeep while I drove Edward's silver Volvo.

Alice driving Jasper's motorcycle looked extremely funny! It looked as if a huge fox was driving Jasper's motorcycle. If I didn't know that it was actually Alice in disguise, I would've been in desperate need of therapy. I'd probably even go and get myself admitted inside a psychiatric ward.

Rose looked plain wrong in the Jeep. I knew I didn't look any better but at least we could've brought the convertible. That looked far more appropriate, but Alice told me that I would eventually regret not taking it if we took Rose's car. Good that the boys took the Mercedes. That way they had a way to ride back. Or maybe not. That depends on just how pissed Rose and Alice end up.

I was right behind them driving Edward's Volvo. I really didn't know where we were going, I only knew that Rosalie and Alice were going to have some "fun". Fun. What kind of fun did they mean? Surely it wasn't the kind of fun you had when playing a board game or something similar.

We were driving toward the peak of a mountain. Every minute we were getting higher and higher. Suddenly I saw Alice accelerating Jasper's motorcycle. She was heading to a cliff.

Suddenly, I saw a fox jump off the speeding motorcycle, allowing it to fall freely down the cliff. So this was the kind of fun they where talking about.

"What the..." Was the only thing I could manage to say when Rosalie crashed Emmett's Jeep to a huge boulder.

"Oops" She said smiling after she stepped out unharmed of the pretzel that was the Jeep.

"Way to go Rose!" Alice said high-fiving Rosalie.

"Bella, your turn." Rosalie said cheerfully.

"Hey! Edward's done nothing wrong yet. So, why should I crash his car?" I had a point.

"Fine, but you're driving us to the strip club." Alice stated. I rolled my eyes and she ignored me getting all bouncy once more. "Girls, it's time to put "Plan A" in gear."

A few minutes of complete silence later, I decided to ask her something that was bugging me. "Alice, do we actually have a plan?"

"Um… Not yet, but we will!" She happily answered. Hyper pixie strikes again.

The whole trip was filled with giggles as we planned the perfect Plan A. Finally, we came out with a brilliant idea. When we get there, our beautiful husbands or in my case soon-to-be husband, will definitely have a heart attack.

Finally, we arrived and Plan A begins. Rosalie took her cell phone out and dialed Emmett's cell phone number. We all gathered around the phone to listen to the call and heard it ring three times before Emmett answered.

"Hi honey! How are you?"

We all leaned even closer to the phone.

"Uh... Hi... Rose... Eh, fine and you?"

We rolled our eyes.

"Fine…" she was a really good actress "So, how's the party going?"

"Edward's quite a snooze." he snorted and I clenched my fists. Only because he was behaving himself... "Jasper's trying to restrain himself of the fun too, but it's already getting the best of him. And what are all you girls doing?"

"Oh, nothing... we're just watching a movie."

"Really? which one?"

"Revenge. I don't think you've seen it yet. It's quite a hit. It's about three girls, two of them married and the other soon-to-be wed, that trusted their husbands and fiancée to behave in the bachelor's party for the third guy, but then they go to a strip club which they said was a gentleman's club, not a strip club. When the girls find out, they decide to play a little bit of revenge on them like trashing their cars... that's exactly were we're at. Right now they're dressed up as strippers and are planning on giving them a heart attack by surprising them. They even decided to call one of the guys to give them a chance to tell the truth of their whereabouts and when the guy asked what were the girls doing; they lied telling him that they were watching a movie. That's where Alice paused the movie so I could call you."

"Hmmm wow... sounds interesting. I should probably watch it later. I'm curious though, how did they dress themselves?"

"You're always curious Emmett..." we all smiled. This was going according to plan. Though poor Edward, Emmett's probably imagining everything...

"Please tell me." he pleaded.

"Fine. The tall blonde one is dressed as a playboy bunny, the short one black haired one is dressed as a red fox and the brunette is dressed as Catwoman"

"I bet the Catwoman and the bunny are quite a sight."

Alice pouted at his answer.

"Probably, but I like how the fox looks too." Alice brightened up a bit.

"But playboy bunnies and Catwomen are sexier." we all rolled our eyes. Guys…

"Yeah, whatever Emmett. We are going to continue watching the movie see ya."

"Bye. Love you"

**Call Ended. **

"Yeah sure Emmett... So why the hell you are in a strip club if you love me?!" Rosalie asked out loud sarcastically.

"Time to make our big entrance girls." Alice said.

I peeked inside through a window. I froze in my place. There were a bunch of guys looking and some even drooling over at half-dressed girls. They had costumes that covered even less than mine! I looked at the tables and noticed that every table had a pole. How disgusting… How a man could come here and actually had fun was a complete mystery to me.

Our entrance had already been planned. We talked to a very nice man who ran the place who took us to the back of the strip club. 5 minutes later, he introduced us over the speakers.

"And now, to all of you guys, the three most amazing and sexy women I have ever met." Alice giggled "Foxy, Kitty, and Bunny!"

We we're standing at the back of the curtain of the stage. We arrange ourselves in a line. Rosalie and Alice at the ends of the line and me stuck in the center. They even push me a little bit forward, so I was not only at the center, but also in front of them. How nice of them to do that.

The curtains were lifted and we heard a bunch of cheering. Oh God! Is that a boxer?! Gross!!

I suddenly heard Emmett's booming voice "Yeah Rose!" A tall blond man whistled. "Hey you! Yeah the whistler! Stop looking at her dude! That's MY wife over there. So shut the hell up and sit down!" He looked menacingly at the blond guy. Poor guy. He almost fell over trying to sit down while being submitted to Emmett's glare.

Jasper just looked at Alice with pleading eyes begging for her to stop. I knew Alice couldn't resist them, but she was going to stick to Plan A. She was not going to step down.

Suddenly, I recognized 2 girls entering the club. Lauren and Jessica.

God! Are they strippers?! Totally gross! I realized they were getting closer to our boys. Hey! Those are OUR boys, OUR husbands… Well, one soon-to-be and two husbands, but still! They got on top of a table where a pole was…. Just about 5 ft away from OUR men.

Rosalie and Alice seem to understand what I was seeing. We got down the stage and heard Lauren flirting on Emmett "Hey handsome want a ride?" Gross, gross, gross, gross…

"What the hell does she want?! Stupid bitch! He is MINE!" Rosalie roared and ran over to where Lauren was and tackled her to the ground.

Just as I said that I heard Jessica flirting with MY angel. What the hell was wrong with her mind?!

"Hey sexy one." She said while she sat on top of him. "Uh, about to get married… So if you mind…" He tried to push her away but she found a way to get even closer.

"But you aren't yet..." She told him trying to sound seductive.

"Oh no you won't!" I shouted while I take out my whip.

"Go Bella!" Alice shouted.

"Get away from my fiancé bitch!" I told her.

"Make me!" She started kissing MY angel! Okay… That was the last straw!

"Hell, no!" I shouted at her. I lashed the whip with all my strength -just like I saw in Indiana Jones-, and luckily it got stuck in the shoe strap near her ankle I pulled her away from my perfect Edward.

"Hey you!" A very low pitched voice said. "Get out of here, you are scaring my customers." We all looked at each other and agreed to get out.

Rosalie was pulling Emmett by the ear towards the ally outside "Ow, Rose!" she pulled harder. "OW OW OW OW OW!" He said.

"You deserve it." She simply said.

Alice was jumping up and down like she always did, but this time she was ignoring Jasper and talking to a bug.

"Alice?" Jasper said.

"Ooh! The bug is talking. Hi, little tiny bug. How are you? Oh, how nice tiny little bug. Yeah, I'm kind of mad with someone. Yes, I know… it's sad."

Edward was telling me the sweetest things but I just ignored him. "Bella, love, please let's talk about it. Bella! I love you. Please let me explain to you. I have done nothing wrong. Bella!" the look on his face was killing me but I thought he deserved it. He even tried to hug me but I pulled away. He let her kiss him! I mean…

When we finally got out, Rosalie spoke "Ok who planned it this year?"

Jasper and Edward turn to see Emmet and pointed at him. "Emmett." both of them blurted out.

"Thanks guys, I can feel your love." he said sarcastically.

Rose started scolding him.

"And you still even smell like them Emmett! They have the worst smell in blood I've ever had to smell!" Rosalie said.

"They're all the same to me." Jasper mumbled.

"Shut up Jasper! Now's not the time!" They all snapped at him.

"Love?" Edward said.

"What Edward?!"

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't." I said sarcastically "I just saw you being kissed by another girl who's the same girl who hates me."

"I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"You're a vampire for God's sake! You could've at least pushed her away!"

"She could've gotten hurt."

"Then leave it to me to hurt her then. Rose? You want to go destroy a human's face?"

"Bella..." Edward said menacingly.

"I don't care Edward. Alice, you were right. I think Jasper's bike and Edward's Volvo are going to be cliff diving partners. Oh, and by the way guys, you should think about looking for new cars." I walked towards the Volvo with Alice and Rose beside me.

"Not my Volvo!" Edward pleaded. "You should've thought about that before letting Jessica kiss you."

"I don't think Esme and Carlisle are going to be too happy about the cars." Rosalie said.

"Don't worry. They will be really upset when we tell them where our guys were having the bachelor party." Alice reassured her.

"How upset?" I asked smiling. "So upset that they won't get any new cars soon and _we'll_ be driving them around." She answered amused.


	7. GOOD NEWS! AN SORRY :S

Good news! (Well, they seem like that to me anyway xD ) First of all, I decided to do a series by semester and stopped myself at the end of chapter 24 of my book so I could do other stuff in the meantime.

I want to thank Dot823 for being the only one to reply to my SOS. I'll be forever grateful :)  
I'll be going back to writing both of the stories as soon as next week ends seeing as my partials will end too.

As you all know, when there is good news, bad news seem to tag along always, so here it goes. Ally and Dawn have decided to well… not continue here. Dawn _will_ keep writing if I need her help (that applies to future comedy projects and to "Breaking Dawn QotD funny impossible assumptions!") seeing as she is the main comedian here. Ally will continue writing but not with her pseudonym. She'll start her own account which I'll later post in my profile, when and if she doesn't forget to create it.

Finally, I want to thank all our reviewers in both our stories which will be continued only by me from now on (except for "Breaking Dawn QotD funny impossible assumptions!", like I said, that's a teamwork project Dawn and I will finish for all of you who still care about that story just like we care about completing what we've started.)

Thanks to:  
xXxtwilightxXxmysteryX  
Lillian Masen  
NinjaWatermelon  
for reviewing at: "When The Sun Goes Down"

And thanks again to Dot823 for being our sole reviewer at: "Breaking Dawn QotD funny impossible assumptions!" and for making me get my ass writing again both stories ASAP.

Thanks to everyone again and I promise to do my best to finish _at least_ "Breaking Dawn QotD funny impossible assumptions!" before New Year's Eve. The other was supposed to be a very long one so I'm not sure if just skip through it and finish it with two more chapters 'cause I'm running low on ideas and so are my friends.

PS. I'll probably update the second one first seeing as it is easier to write and is also the one I'm co-writing with Dawn.


	8. Charlie: Bells, we’re off to bat

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.  
We're just playing around with her characters, quotes and our imagination is assuming different scenarios in where the quotes could get used our imagination due to sugar rush :p (and no, we are NOT Jacob haters, we actually think he's pretty cool)**

**Chapter 6**

It had been a couple of days after the wedding, and thanks to a certain werewolf I like to call my best friend, Charlie knew the Cullen's secret.

"Bells, we're off to bat." Charlie told me.

Right now we were playing at the baseball field the Cullen's used when there was a thunderstorm. Where the first confrontation with the nomads occurred which changed our lives forever.

"Uh, dad… You _know_ how I am in sports! I'll only hurt myself in the process!"

"Oh, come on Bells! You know perfectly well that nothing's gonna happen! I 'm pretty sure a pack of werewolves and a vampire coven is enough to protect even you."

"You have no idea." I mumbled under my breath.

By being the police chief of this small town I learned to love, you'd think he'd have enough sense as to not give me a weapon, but no. He had to hand me the baseball bat. My own father was an active participant in my own torture.

I took the baseball bat hesitatingly.

_There are no other people who could get hurt. Only you and your father… the humans… How lovely! What did Alice see that she placed him behind the chain-linked fence?!_

I stood there waiting for Emmett to throw me the ball.

"I'll go easy on you squirt! Not to worry! I still remember you're a human." he grinned mischievously.

_That's not good._

He started twirling his arm so fast it was a blur and then I felt something rush towards me. I swing the bat but I was thrown behind.

"Emmett!" Edward growled in front of me. "Do it one more time and I'll call Newton over."

Emmett flinched.

"You wouldn't dare!" he hissed, but you could see the fear reflected in his eyes.

"Hurt Bella and I _will_." Emmett huffed.

"Party pooper." he yelled and Edward threw the ball at his head which Emmett caught without even looking back.

He turned around at extended his hand towards me. "Are you okay love?"

I nodded and he pulled me up.

"Edward, I don't want to play. I'm just gonna get hurt!"

"I'll be right here to save you love, you know that."

"That's the thing Edward. I can't keep being all human and weak! I want to be one of you."

"Soon, love. I promised you I would and I will."

I huffed. "Fine…"

He kissed my lips lightly and went back to his spot.

"You okay Bella?" Jake asked.

I nodded. "It's okay Jake. Don't worry."

"Oh, okay."

_Try to think of the game. Focus on the ball. Hit the ball. Your worst enemy is the ball._

Emmett threw the ball back again at me and to my surprise, Mike's face was screaming at me. "Hit me! Hit me! I'm pretty sure you won't be able to do so Swan! Come on you little defenseless human! Hit me!"

I swung the bat and the ball hit me right in the middle of my forehead. I felt the bat fly right out of my hands and hit someone who yelled in pain.

_I knew this would happen!_

I heard Emmett's booming laughter and then Edward's preoccupied voice right next to me.

"Bella? Bella, love! Are you okay?!"

"Uh… I think so…" I tried to get up but my head hurt too much and I winced.

"How many fingers do you see?" Edward asked while he showed me two right hands.

"Ten?"

_Wait… two __right__ hands?!_

"Emmett! I'm calling Newton right now!"

"Who else did I hit?" I asked Edward as soon as I remember the yell from a bit before.

He chuckled.

"Remember how you wanted to hit Jacob with a baseball bat some months ago?"

I nodded and tried my best to suppress the pain I felt as I moved my head.

"Let's just say you hit him somewhere you probably wouldn't have if you had done so consciously."

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not." he replied calmly as he took two cell phones in both of his right hands.

"Don't worry about it Edward, they'll be here in a minute and thirty-five seconds. I already called them half an hour ago." Alice yelled from somewhere behind me.

"How's Jake?" I asked him.

"He'll live." Edward replied shrugging.

"Sorry Jake!" I yelled causing the headache I felt to only increase.

"It's okay." a _really_ high-pitched voice replied making Emmett laugh louder.

"Was that-?" I asked Edward once more.

"Yes."

"Then, did I hit him in-?" I trailed off and blushed.

He chuckled once more. "Yes."

"Oh, god."


End file.
